I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
be right there i have to get my cape
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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