Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
