She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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