Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
