i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
