When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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