he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
