Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
