Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
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The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?