I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
