I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously