Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.