I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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