I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?