So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual