I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
