They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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