I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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