I skipped work to stalk him.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
