well I can't set my house on fire every night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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