we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just found puke in my bra..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
