i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
