Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
