Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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