I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
