He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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