so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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