Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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