don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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