Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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