Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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