people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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