i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
