I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
