In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
