that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching her eat just hurts me
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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