Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize