you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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