Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
