I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
