I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
