I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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