I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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