My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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