i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
