4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
