You're my little dorito
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
