You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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