maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
