Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
How external is "for external use only"?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
