The maid of honor just puked.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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