Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
