she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
