dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
where am i from again
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
