The maid of honor just puked.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
