i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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