Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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