Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
not ubering you a puppy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
