Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
