It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
