I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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