Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
