Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
