He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
