he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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