I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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