I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
