we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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