My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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