Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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