i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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