he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
